A Voice for Bella
$200 raised
6% of $3.3k goal
3 contributors
51 Days left Ends Mar 15, 2019
If you are reading this you likely know of the ongoing challenges another person has brought to my life with my child since Motherhood began. This is a fundraiser to pay for a court ordered evaluation I cannot afford at this time, and is one step of many.

If you are reading this you likely know of the ongoing challenges another person has brought to my life with my child since I became a Mother. This is a fundraiser to pay for the court ordered evaluations that include giving my child a chance to lend her voice to her, as she keeps requesting to do.


The deadline for the initial payment of $1,750 is January 1stbecause it has to be paid prior to January 3rd. Ultimately the ordered evaluations are estimated to cost me $3,000.00 total, the second half to be paid by the beginning of March.

I have been trying to make the money on my own but I am financially drowning in the most basic living expenses of this area I’ve had to stay in for my child (also related to state custody laws). Most importantly, my child will be able to take part in the evaluation instead of the court viewing all matters as merely an adversarial relationship between myself and the other person.


My little one is precocious and has asked many questions, leading her to the conclusion that she must speak to the judge herself. Being four years of age, this is not allowed – however the evaluator will spend time with her as part of the process. I have promised her I will try to raise the funds so she can speak with this evaluator.
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One day as my little one tearfully begged not to go with her Father again, as she has off and on for two and a half years, the torment of having to follow these court orders while she tells me of things I previously experienced first hand gave way to exhaustion.

 

It were as though my heart lost it’s breath after all the legal battling, concern and stress of sending this little girl to a place with an adult I’ve experienced rage, violence, threats, and the typical abuser manipulation to redirect blame and flip the narrative, etc.

I went to my therapist and described this difficulty continuing on with what I have been forced to do and my concerns for my child not only being in that environment but the repeated experience of her Mother passing her off as she begs not to go.


My therapist insisted that I clearly tell my toddler that there is a person called “a judge” who says when I have to take her to this other person and I have to do it.

Well upon explaining “the judge” to my child she began asking questions like what would happen to me and to her if I did not do what the judge said, etc, etc.

 

More questions pensively followed and within a day she understood the basic fundamentals of the legal system and began requesting to “talk to the judge”.


For over one year now, she tells me she really wants to talk to the judge because she is afraid of this other person, that they “are super-mean and really scary”. She has told me stories of violence no parent wants their kid to even hear about, let alone witness.

I have made two reports to human services, but in family court I am told there have been nine. I have been accused of making all reports (false) and the other person’s argument is that I am merely making false reports on them repeatedly. Somehow it is illegal to submit these reports directly to Family Court as evidence and I have been blamed based upon hearsay. I have even sought out letters and medical records I submitted as evidence that child advocates, a Medical doctor and others have been reporting – my evidence was ignored and I continue to be labeled and treated like a horrible woman trying to separate an innocent Father from our child.

I tried to get my little one to a child psychologist so that she could at least have a compassionate, objective, well-trained person to trust – but insurance would not cover the very difficult to find specialists who see such young children.

 

Having gained shared legal custody the other parent also did not agree to let her see a therapist and canceled an appeal I made to insurance to have a child psychologist covered. They effectively made it impossible to get my child a professional to be there for her.

As the years of financial sabotage, rancid gossip, late or missing childcare payments, stories of terrifying aggression in the other home, and strange sexual comments from my very young child trudge on this person’s promise to “take her from you”  has been pursued through family court with their very aggressive attorney.

 

The threat to separate her from me was made before my child’s first birthday, while I was still a nursing, new Mother, and newly single parent. All of this other person’s actions since that day have been in line with this vengeful threat.

The court hearing process has consisted mostly of the other person’s attorney speaking very quickly as they spew many contortions of the truth and outright lies.  Then when given a chance to respond I am quickly interrupted, screamed at and accused of many things that have either never happened or were not wrong, illegal nor against any court order. The majority of this case has been me being interrupted, falsely accused, not allowed to speak, and even screamed at and threatened with sanctions for calmly mentioning facts that disprove the other party’s arguments.

 

I have finished very few sentences and concrete evidence I submit has been almost entirely ignored. However, most of this has occurred with a judge who is longer with us.

In August of this year police submitted a request for a warrant to arrest the person driving the effort to take my child into their complete control. After three weeks of reviewing video evidence the police had determined battery and assault had been committed against me. This incident had occurred during visitation exchange and our child was present.

An arraignment was scheduled and then dropped from the court calendar.

The DA did not press charges.
In family court the resulting restraining order was dropped and the family court judge concluded “no domestic violence occurred”.

 

The person’s attorney argued that I had been called names, screamed at, chased and struck by their client (after I asked if they were planning on attending the child’s doctor’s appointment in a calm and simple manner) because I have “mental health issues” that caused the other person to behave in this way and attack me in front of my child.  The attorney repeatedly insisted that I “cause these problems” whenever their client is getting close to taking full custody of my child.

The judge (at the time, who is no longer the judge) went with that and ordered me to pay, again, for a psychological evaluation and a full custody evaluation..

but this time to get one by the other parent’s psychologist of choice. Of course they prefer the psychologist who evaluated them three years ago and brushed off their psychological indications of “Sociopath” and “Schizoid”, opening the gate for them to have unsupervised time with this very young child and begin claiming victimization from me going to the legal system for help.

The judge screamed and yelled at me for mentioning that this is a clear conflict of interest. He then died of natural causes a few weeks later.


There have been a couple more hearings since the judge passed. Due to some state law the old judge’s order cannot be changed after his death. I am ordered to pay $1,750 beforeJanuary 3rdto start the evaluations.  The remaining $1,750 is to be paid by the end of the process (March 3rdapprox).

In the last hearing it was also implied that full custody will go to the other person if the money isn’t paid to start the evaluation before January 3rd.

I do not believe I am about to undergo a fair or accurate evaluation – but there really isn’t another option at this point in time.

 

These events all brought me to contemplate leaving the state to get an unbiased evaluation outside of this little corrupted local circus and submit it to the court case with a petition to have my child come live with me. Then an unbiased evaluation will be on record. However, this requires leaving custody of my child to the other person and it is much more unlikely I would get her back since it would be seen as me choosing to leave her.

 

I will not go into detail about the debilitating physiological pain a child suffers when separated from their Mother (or from the person who has been the primary caregiver). Recently there was a psychological study showing life long effects on both Mother and child.


Needless to say I cannot proactively CAUSE this awful, traumatic experience for anyone, let alone my own child.

And I remind myself that this evaluation allows my child to take some part in this and at least for now will serve some of her desire to have a voice in this matter determined entirely by the judge.

 

Normally I would have no objection to a full psychological evaluation and in fact I paid thousands to an attorney last year to get the old judge to agree a different psychologist could evaluate me. However that psychologist was too good – she stopped the evaluation after a couple hours and wrote the judge a letter requesting to evaluate this other person as well. She reviewed their evaluation from three years ago and kindly said it was “incomplete”.

No dice. The other person would not cooperate, dropped their petition to take full custody and backed out completely. The late judge allowed this and the person simply walk away from the entire ordeal.


Sorting through these difficulties I have found myself back in my original purpose in all this – my child. Often times I feel overwhelmed by these events and this other person’s ability to sway others to assist their malicious endeavor, convincing people they are a victim or whatever means they use.

 

Even though at times I feel hopeless, devastated and abused from four years of my life being perpetually attacked, my child enduring what children should not – it is not about what I am going through, it is about her right to live a healthy, happy, secure life of joy.

 


I made a commitment to making our time together everything wonderful and nurturing for her as possible. Camping, music lessons, playing with our dog, baking and crafting together, just daily happiness with the parent who respects and guides her with wisdom and without threats, fear nor physical/emotional punishment.


I could have walked away from my child and this soul-sucking financial/legal battle. I do not because I love my child dearly and I know what it is to live with this toxic, cruel and terrifying person. I will not walk away and allow my little one to be subjected to that without having her Mother to validate her worth, bring her some happiness and give her opportunities for healthy development.

 

Aside from wanting to live life with my child, this is her life and she is too young to be responsible for it – this is my weight to carry for her as best I can.


I have to keep advocating for her and standing for her as this person’s perpetual malice does not stop.

 

Maybe this evaluation of myself and the case will bring eyes to what her life has been like and what is most important for her wellness, happiness and development. I have to have some hope for this.

If any additional funds are raised they will go to fees for consulting family law attorneys.

With all my heart – thank you so much for reading and for any contribution.




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